I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
