After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
