the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
