Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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