i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
