DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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