Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize