so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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