did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
