Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
