all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
