I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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