Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
