my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
