my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
