i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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