I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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