I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
