She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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