he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
