she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
two words: eviction party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
