everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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