Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
