soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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