He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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