he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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