let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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