btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You made out with two different species that night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
