According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
