he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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