There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think a kid would responsible me up
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
