Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
