I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
