bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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