and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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