My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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