Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
