I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
