the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
