I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
