dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
