I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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