it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
