Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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