Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
