Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
