Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize