the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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