Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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