btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
