your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize