Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
