I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
