I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
