Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize