when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
not ubering you a puppy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
