Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
