hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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