If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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