my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
