The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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