I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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