She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
