It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
