So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
