Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
