So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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