Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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