He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
