you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize