that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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