when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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